trapped

"What's up, Liz?" I leaned on the rail of the deck next to her and watched snow falling in the dark, lit up by the light coming from the windows behind us. My eyes hadn't adjusted to the outside night yet, and all I could see of her next to me were the fluffy white flakes that stuck on her dark jacket and in her dark hair. That was okay; I didn't want to see her face just then.
"Just needed some air," she answered in a half-whisper. The kind you used when you were afraid of your voice cracking.
I shrugged uncomfortably. "Yeah, I think the music's starting to liquify my brain." From inside the condo, the blaring party-mix easily reached us, even through the insulated windows.
Liz gave a weak laugh and tried to sniff so that I wouldn't hear. "Yeah, my throat's sore from yelling over it."
I turned around to lean back against the rail and give her a chance to wipe a hand across her eyes while I couldn't see. Looking back in through the windows at the party wasn't much better though. I had a full view of Jess sitting on the lap of a guy I didn't know, one arm around his neck and the other tipping back her fifth beer into her mouth. She drained the bottle and leaned backward clumsily to set it down, giving the guy a good look down her shirt before sliding back up to lean drunkenly against him.
I scowled, thinking of how many times I'd seen Jess put away twice as much without even flinching. This was just to make the guy think he was 'getting somewhere' with her. Never mind that the bitch would screw him here in the closet cold-sober without a second thought. It was all just an act to draw him in and get her claws into him. Just like what she'd done to Liz.
Liz sniffed again, pulling me from my murderous thoughts. I turned around again, afraid she might look back and see what Jess was doing inside. "I heard the sun will be out most of tomorrow," I said vaguely. "It'll be good skiing with all this on the slopes."
Liz made an uninterested sound. "Jess is the one that likes skiing. I'm usually done after two runs."
"I heard snowboarding isn't much different from surfing..." I said slowly.
"It's totally different!" Liz declared. "Boarding is just sliding down a hill and trying not to hit any trees. Out in the water, you have to catch the wave and hold it all the way in." She gestured in the air in front of her, trying to illustrate the grace and skill involved in surfing.
I tried not to smile. I'd heard Liz's Surfing vs Boarding rant before, and it was easy to get her going. "When was the last time you got out on the water?"
Liz sighed wistfully. "Two years. I'm so out of practice I probably suck at it by now."
"You should hit the coast again. The economy's good enough now it probably wouldn't be too hard to find a decent job."
"Yeah, that'd be great," Liz agreed, turning and leaning back against the railing.
I winced and turned as well, bracing myself. But someone else was sitting where Jess and the guy had been a second ago. Relief and anger fought inside me: relief that Liz didn't see them, and anger that Jess had probably dragged the guy off somewhere, if not back to her and Liz's appartment
"Jess'd never go for it," Liz said in resignation. "She loves it up here in the mountains."
My guts twisted inside me while I fought a losing battle to keep my teeth clamped shut. "You could go by yourself," I said finally.
Liz went still, and for a second I dared to hope she might be considering it. But then she smiled and shook her head. "I couldn't bear to live so far away from her. Plus, it'd cost way too much to visit each other more than a couple of times a year."
Fuck it. I'd come this far. "No, I meant..."
The music stopped briefly as the mixer re-shuffled the tracks and Liz looked up at me. The sentence died in my mouth when I saw it in her eyes. I saw it all, everything that I wanted to say, to grab her by the shoulders and shout at her. She doesn't love you! She doesn't care about you! She's probably not even bi! The only reason she's with you is because guys think lesbians are hot!
In an instant I saw that she'd heard it all before. I wasn't her only friend. How many times has she had this conversation? She'd probably even had it with herself, trying to convince herself to leave. She tried every time Jess dragged her into a threesome with some guy she'd just met on the slope or in the bar. She'd probably been thinking it fifteen minutes ago when Jess was shoving her tongue down her throat and groping her under her shirt in front of the whole room just to get that guy's attention.
The mixer finished shuffling and the muffled music started thudding through the walls again. Not knowing what else to do, I put my arms around her shoulders and hugged her. She stiffened for a moment before she relaxed and leaned into me. She didn't sob or even sniff, butI felt hot tears running down my neck. My throat closed up and I had to struggle not to break down into tears myself while despair filled me. There was nothing I could say that hadn't already been said, and none of it had been enough.
Desperate plans flew through my head as Liz cried in my arms. I would put her in my car and drive her to California that night, against her will if necessary. I would become a lesbian like Liz just so that I could steal her away from Jess and know that she was with someone who wouldn't do this to her. I would follow Jess and that guy back to their place and run her over with my car.
The music blared suddenly as someone opened the door and stumbled out onto the deck. Beer still in hand, he looked like he was considering throwing up over the rail. Liz tensed and tried to pull away but I held on to her, refusing to let go. The guy noticed us then and blinked blearily through a haze of intoxification. He looked like he was trying to think of what would be appropriate to say to two girls huddled together covered in snow. "'sup?"
I gave him my best Go To Hell glare. Luckily for him, he took the hint while I was still trying to figure out how to get to the taser in the bottom of my purse without letting go of Liz. After a moment of concentration he made his way back inside.
The door shut and the party faded back into the background. I released Liz and she took a step back. "Thanks," she said as she pulled her hair out of her face. "I should go back in. Jess is probably wondering where I went." We both knew it was a lie. "I'm such a mess," she complained, but other than red eyes she looked the same as she always did. The thought made my throat threaten to close up all over again.
I coughed to clear it before Liz went back inside. "Let... let me know if you need a ride home tonight," I forced out. Liz didn't have a car, and Jess had likely given her a ride.
"Okay, thanks," Liz said again before reentering the condo.
I was sure Jess was already gone with the car. She was probably already back at their appartment with that guy. In their bed. If I did end up giving Liz a ride, I sure as fuck wasn't going to take her back there.